Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   i am free of all prejudices... I hate everyone equally :)

   My girlfriend says I'm a bad influence on her kids. Probably because now every time she tells them "Stop," they reply with either "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."

   I once dated a girl who lived on the wrong side of the tracks. Tragically, she was killed by a train

   I was delivered by C-section. I wasn't worthy of an A or even a B-section.

   This old lady dropped a grocery bag leaving the store today. My girlfriend told me "Don't just stand there" .....so I started to point and laugh.

   Those girls on the balance beam learn early on that 4 inches isn't much to work with.

   My husband is going to be so surprised when he finds out the woman I've been sleeping with is way hotter than his girlfriend.

   I think Tom Cruise and John Travolta would make a lovely couple.

   As a species we should resign now and let the dinosaurs have another go

   The best relationships are the ones where the other person makes you so f*cking h*rny you can't remember why they've made you so p*ssed off.

   Some of your timelines are my morning paper.

   My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I'm done.

   I'm pretty sure I got my sense of humor from my mother because when I was 10 years old my Dad said he sent her to the funny farm.

   a woman with loose morals “Frito Lay”?

   Feelings are like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.

   honesty is a very expensive thing that I wouldnt expect from cheap people

   I follow people who imitate real celebrities on Twitter because my self esteem isn't quite low enough yet.

   Always remember the saying when you are hoping for the something that you feel is impossible to get.....where there is a will, there is a way...now....to find Will O_O

   "You "go ahead , I'm gonna go for the one with the smaller breast" said no man ever

   Woke up in the middle of my sleep.Only thing that's keeping my neighbor's barking dog alive now is that I'm still sleepy.