Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Do you suffer from post-heartbreak drip? Itchy ennui? Restless desire? Empty dreams? If so, ask your doctor if Depression is right for you.

   Hey,,,I say stuff, you should say stuff with me,, and then we'll have fun... M-kay?

   So,,, The dog won our farting contest... I'm going to bed to think about what I could've done differently.

   Hey,,, guy that puts the stickers on tomatoes,,,,,, NOBODY likes you.

   I can thwart just about ANY knock knock joke by answering, "Just a minute!",,,,, or " Come in,, it's open! "

   The political frustrations of this week remind me how happy I am to have allegiance to greater kingdom.

   Please don't ask me how many sinks I've pissed in." - me taking a polygraph test

   If you rearrange Twitter Drama, you get Am Retard Twit.

   "Im never gonna danthh again/ Cauth guilty feet have got no rhythm/ Though ithh eathhy to pretend I know you're not a fool" -Careless Lisper

   Tom Cruise can climb down off Oprah's lounge now and crawl back into his closet.

   Whoever first thought it was a good idea to work for a living was a dumb douchebag.

   Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but I kinda always thought Tom and Katie would eventually fall in love.

   What doesn't kill you makes you realize I hired a sh!tty hit man.

   Magic Mike is going to get more guys laid tonight than roofies.

   I'm so glad the “you break it, you buy it” policy doesn't apply to hymens.

   If Magic Mike isn't a movie about Magic Johnson and Mike Tyson having 'tickle fights' I'm going to be pissed.

   You remind me of someone I'd never like to meet.

   To best understand men, you need to grasp the following: 1. They think with their pen!s 2. They wanna fix everything 3. They wanna fix everything with their pen!s

   I'm not the man you'd hoped for or even the man you wanted me to be. Perhaps you should have just once seen in me, the man I am.

   He called my girlfriend a wh0re. So I called him an ambulance.