Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Katie must be out of her 5 yr lease contract with Tom Cruise finally

   Katie Holmes issues statement after confirming reports that she and Tom Cruise are to divorce - "I'm so happy I could jump up and down on the couch!

   ''Magic Mike''.......if I hear this one more time I hitting someone with an ''Open Mike!!!''

   wanna come back to my place & watch some p0rn on my 60" flat screen mirror?

   Make good memories today, so that you can have a good past.

   LOL!!!! we need more post like the mirror one, your slacking here people!

   It might be HOT but at least there's no BREEZE...

   So excited that The Weather Channel picked up "Weather" for another season!!

   Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise .... Was Rock Of Ages really that bad?

   I'm afraid my pet's going to die soon - he's already 14,000,000 in rock-years

   statistics show that everyone who's ever used a cell phone will die

   They say not to text and drive, but I still feel totally fine after two texts

   Adele is Pregnant... Those beautiful lyrics finally make sense. I just wanna know which lucky guy decided to go "Rolling in the deep" cos he's gonna "get it all" now... in Alimony!!!

   New condom slogan...."Wrap it in latex or give her your paychex."

   I'm going to open a bar where ordering an "adios motherf#cker" triggers a trap door filled with alligators

   Beepers and pay phones were so much easier.....

   What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous? I stare... I smile... And when I get tired I put the mirror down!

   Water follows the path of least resistance. So I guess when an Asian sweats it just looks like a waterfall

   I dont see what's the big deal about Bath Salt Water... I tried it and nothing happened, but I gotta tell ya..... Everything sure looks like CHICKEN!!!

   Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" is a clever little b@stard.