Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise divorcing after 5 years of enslavement. I mean, marriage.

   Tom Cruise has finally reached the 71st level of Scientology, Divorce

   It's impossible to slowly tiptoe around without activating T-Rex arms.

   Saw a hitchhiker holding a sign ‘Anywhere But Here' So I swerved, hit him. Now he's in a ditch. Hope that's ok, he wasn't really specific.

   Women just want to be told they're beautiful. Especially the good looking ones.

   "Magic Mike"? They should call it what it really is. "Magic Johnson".

   I dont have a problem sharing my funny stuff with ya'll here as you c0py & paste to your Facebooks, its the damn Twitter crew I can't stand with their self righteousness and egos.

   I wonder if Tom Cruise is jumpin on the couch again since he's getting a divorce.

   Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat.

   Whenever my Girlfriend says she's going to "hit the sack" I instinctively cover my balls just in case.

   How to make your girl feel special: 1) Write down how you feel about your drink or drug of choice. 2) Put her name on it & give it to her.

   I miss having a girlfriend. I get so tired of listening to whatever music I want, on road trips to wherever I want to go, with zero guilt.

   I'm not the smartest guy, I don't have a perfect body, and this started out as a status update but is now my suicide note.

   now the jumping on Oprah's couch professing my love for Katie is even embarrassing to me. - Tom Cruise

   Why do camels have v@ginas on their feet anyway?

   so excited I'm jumping up and down on a couch now. - Katie Holmes

   Mission Impossible 5: Marriage

   just excited I can start wearing heels again. - Katie Holmes

   Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting a divorce...Now it's Katies turn to jump up and down on Oprah's couch.

   Magic Mike? - on my way to see Magic Gina at the gentleman's club.