Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   / I'm not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there's so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.

   :There's nothing more romantic than seeing young lovers dry hump their way through Wal-Mart...

   :Procreation: It started out as just plain old creation, until I started doing it.

   :Where do all the balls go after they neuter your animals?

   If they park like they fck ..they'll never get in

   "I need a girl who I can spend the rest of my whole night with...."

   I always cry after sex. God, I hate prison!

   Can't believe it's almost Christmas in July

   I bet vegetarians don't even feel guilty eating baby carrots

   I'll catch you later: Cool thing to say to a friend, scary thing to say to a child.

   In 2013, my first status will be “is anyone alive?”

   So the guy in Miami who ate that other dude's face was NOT on bath salts, just weed. What kind of weed gives you the munchies for hobo face?

   I get my kicks attending random funerals and claiming to be the deceased's oldest son from his other family.

   Whenever I give blood, I always assume that most of the workers are vampires and Wesley Snipes will be busting in at any moment.

   Well I had close call lastnight! This girl I picked up at the bar, drove me back to her place. She looked like a lady, walked like a lady, even talked like a lady! But when she whipped into that parking spot perfectly.....I was like hold on somethings up!

   When one door closes, another door opens. If not, I'm climbing through the window.

   You're laughing because I'm laughing, but I'm laughing because I farted.

   I imagine hell to be a room full of drunk guys wanting to tell you about their fantasy football team...

   Please feel free to call me anytime after ten, that's when I put my phone on silent.

   I'm never sure how much ball cleavage to show when I wear my Casual Friday Jean Shorts.