Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Did Michael Jackson die again??

   glad Alex Trebek's life isn't in *puts sunglasses on* jeopardy.. actually I really don't care.

   Whale Wars is pure garbage ...have they even saved one whale?

   I know two wrongs don't make a right, obviously... But how many does it take? I'm like on 396.

   Pick a number between 6 and 6 that represents the number of doughnuts I have had today.

   I thought my Doctor was totally crazy for giving me LSD to treat my constipation, until I saw a Fire-Breathing dragon and sh1t myself!

   Well I failed my drivers test today. The instructor asked me what I do at Redlights, and I said, "Text and Facebook"

   When I meet people, I choose whether I like them solely based on if I think they would be fun to get drunk with.....

   I think we can probably stop worrying about who let the dogs out.... They're probably dead by now anyway.

   I will not chase you after anyone anymore!.......If you walk out of my life, I'll hold the F-N door open for you!!!

   The only people mad at you for speaking the truth! Are those living a lie!!!

   If Monday hd a face......I would knock the $h!t out of it!!!

   Where do I purchase one of those filters that goes between my brain & my mouth?

   I'm not short; I'm concentrated awesome. :)

   Walmart calls them "self-checkouts," I call them "I might not pay for some of this."

   Who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian relationship?

   I'm not saying she is a slut, but she calls her underwear "ankle warmers"

   Girls want a guy who is "funny and spontaneous", but when I tap on a girls window at night dressed as a clown, she flips out!

   If you take the vowels out of FEMALE you get FML. Coincidence? I think not

   Fat chick posts a picture on Facebook* "Fresh out the shower (; " Me: "You spelled ocean wrong."