Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Tears are the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine “want” power.

   Sometimes I put my hands on the floor, tuck my head into my chest and lean forward, cause that's how I roll.

   I advise you, don't mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.

   If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won't stop looking.

   Whenever I'm walking and a white van drives pass me, I get a little depressed inside because it makes me feel like I'm not kidnap worthy.

   Don't grow up. It's a trap!

   Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they get married and ruin everything.

   Oh you got “Swag”? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application.

   If Adele, The Weeknd, Drake, and Frank Ocean made an album together. Everyone would be in their deepest feelings.

   Ladies, don't wear skinny jeans, if you have no skinny genes.

   If I was a homeless person, I would make a Coinstar costume and just sit outside of grocery stores.

   High School Spanish class taught me just enough to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

   Bud Light with lime??? What's the primary target demographic for that? Rednecks with scurvy?

   I wish breaking up with someone meant they had to refund all the money you spent on them.

   We all used Facebook out of curiosity and it ended as an addiction.

   ‎54% of Americans prefer to "fold" their toilet paper instead of "wad" it. The same percentage believe organized religion will save your soul.

   If you can tell I'm drunk, you need to catch up.

   Not to brag, but I can have any girl I don't want.

   From now I'm going to on Craigslist to try finding love. Or at least a free mattress with questionable stains to cry myself to sleep on.

   I'm not what nature intended.