Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just ran over my neighbor's cat, but I left a note saying "Curiosity was here" I'm probably safe, right?

   hey rerun....ummmm, I mean stoner dudee. this is a website for new material, not yesterdays funnies.

   Don't be mad when someone else starts to appreciate the person you took for granted. What you won't do, someone else will .

   If I was a cop and I pulled over a drunk driver, I would make them do the Macarena as their sobriety test.

   Don't go out there alone... Take this status update with you.

   When I call my parents, and they don't answer it's no big deal but when they call me and I don't answer it's like World War II.

   If you squint your eyes real hard this post looks likes it's in Spanish........ (ok, stop before someone see's you)

   Hey, wanna hear a joke about Nirvana? No? Nevermind."

   I consider the word Dodge on the front of my truck fair warning to jaywalkers."

   Did not know Osama Bin Laden's son plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder!!

   Nothing says "Love" like having a ShamWow tossed at your genitals after having sex.

   seriously science nerds. It's 2012; where's the calorie free booze???

   Thanks to black ops, I think I have enough knowledge to wipe out an entire city of zombies. just run around ina cirlcle.

   KIDS trust me when I say this: you are NOT missing out on anything if you were to take a nap.

   I do the same thing after pumping gas that I do after sex... (Sniff my fingers)

   I think the NBA players should wear bubba teeth instead of mouth pieces.....talk about a poster.

   I think Christopher Nolan grew up on 60's Batman and his life's goal is to wipe it out...

   My biggest fear is that I have already discovered time travel and I will bump into myself and spoil the surprise.

   I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.

   Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the "Like" button.