Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I did it in bed... I did it on the couch... I did it in the car... Texting is such an obsession.

   When it comes to fighting let`s just say I have lightning-like reflexes…. I hit the ground fast.

   I like to send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" Just to see who`s dumb enough.

   Reading texts half asleep is like looking into the sun.

   You cannot taste me until you undress me. Sincerely , Banana

   Mirror - "Ooh you look cute today!" Camara - "Lol, no."

   Just for the sake of argument, let's say I'm right about everything.

   've always wondered why W is called Double U, when it's clearly Double V...

   This cute guy I met just texted that he wants to "hang out" tonight, but he lives in the Valley & I made him up.

   I must have an amazing butt because every time I finish talking to someone & turn around to walk away, I hear them whisper, "What an Ass!"

   Awkward: Your cell phone going off full volume at a funeral. Even more awkward: Your ringtone being, "I Will Survive"

   When I was born I was so surprised, I didnt talk for a year and a half..

   Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition..

   "For the love of honey!" - Grizzly bear

   A good neighbor is one that does not put a password on their wifi.

   Pockets are an awesome way to scratch your balls while in public!

   "We should mate" "WHAT!?" "I said date, we should date sometime, ya know just the 2 of us.

   "Does my ass look big in this?" asked my wife as she twirled in front of the mirror...........Who knows where she got the sumo suit from.

   My whole world just disappeared. :( Is anyone else's notification icon missing???

   First time I ever saw a dry-erase board I said "that's remarkable."