Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it though.

   A friend of mine told me he had sex with his girlfriend and her twin, I asked how he could tell them apart, and he said her brother has a mustache.

   Ladies; True Love is when he holds your hair back while you're giving him a bl0wjob.

   Subway should be taken to court. They force their male employees to make sandwiches for other people and that is clearly sexist.

   My pleasant personality is brought to you this morning by several strong cups of coffee.

   Then just repost it! Don't put your name Like you are funny or something!

   I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.

   Live your life in such a way that the Westboro Baptist Church will want to picket your funeral.

   If I don't look like I barely survived a natural disaster after we've had sex, you need to try harder.

   If you're not in love right now, you're wasting valuable time!

   Accidentally poured myself a glass of vodka at 9am. Accidentally drank it too. I'm so damn clumsy.

   Accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat today & I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying "curiosity was here"

   They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

   Whenever I see a group of girls talking I just barge in and say "he is such an a$$hole" and just like that, I'm part of the group.

   I met a girl the other day who said she likes to take charge in the bedroom. So I electroshocked her.

   When a guy says he doesn't eat pu$$y,I always say...well, nothing, because he's pretty much dead to me at that point.

   I'm not into phone sex, the cord always gets stuck in my ass.

   Then repost off page 200 or earlier.. Something we didnt just see.

   Went to the Bunmy Ranch but it was closed:( The sign said "We're Closed! Beat It!

   If you've never gotten out of the shower and dried off with paper towels, you probably do your laundry more often than I do.