Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   enjoying the sounds of a 2 year old having a meltdown...so soothing

   I've ruined so many good songs on bad memories.

   If you get sexted by someone you don't like...does that mean you got molexted?

   Time heals everything... except that stupid tattoo.

   f all of your pics are taken from from an overhead angle, I have to presume you have a big hairy mole on the bottom of your chin.

   Reasons people claim to be gay: 3% - are actually gay 97% - forgot to log out of facebook

   I'm not buying that "Oops, I accidentally deleted you" line again sausage fingers.

   Turns out trolling LinkedIn for ladies to s3xt with was not such a good id

   my "people you may know" is filled with douchebags who deleted me, oh no does this mean I'm the pretentious ahole?

   When I watch MTV cribs I don't feel bad about downloading music illegally.

   I had 3 bowls this morning. 1 of them was cereal...

   I should be in Top Chef the way I Wake N Bake!

   Why is weed illegal and alcohol isn't? Weed is completely harmless man! Smh

   Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.

   Everyone makes mistakes, accept for me.

   Hey, to whoever invented the zero: Thanks for nothing!

   Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoes. Can't stand me? Sit back down. Can't face me? Turn around.

   Never judge a book by its cover, UNLESS the word Twilight is written on it... then you know it's s$it.

   Wanna hear a joke? WNBA

   I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that.