Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   golf is about "strokes" & "balls"...if that isnt a gay sport, idk what is

   If we're gonna take this relationship to the next level, at some point you'll have to loosen my straps

   When you open your heart to someone, there is blood...... LOTS and LOTS of blood... And then you die. So don't open your heart.

   Tip: To avoid butterflies in your stomach,,, don't eat caterpillars.

   If you lost $10,000.00 dollars, all hundreds, held together in a roll with a rubber band, give me a call. I found your rubber band. You just need to identify it.

   Waring: This is Not a joke - The Gonorrhea Apocalypse Is Near.

   has found my age is very inappropriate for my behavior.

   living in a van down by the river!

   Sharing a Facebook account with your gf/wife is the best way to let everyone know how whipped you are.

   If I've learned anything from listening to world news, it's that the world is full of countries I've never even heard of.

   Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I... Can't.... Breathe.... Sincerely, your damn balls.

   This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.

   Can someone please update my Facebook status for me. I had ravioli for dinner.

   Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don't do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!

   i do believe my fake laugh is ready to go pro.

   Maybe I like my dirty mouth.... Orbit... you're NEVER getting in me.

   Why do people say they slept like a baby? Is it because they wake up every two hours or is it because they wake up with a load in their jammies?

   ya know...i tried tap dancing once, but I had to give it up....i kept falling into the sink!

   Be my guest, rain on my parade, I have the biggest umbrella you have ever seen!

   so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.