Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've found that if you massage the clitoris with your thumb, while gently easing your index and middle fingers into the vagina... You get sacked from your job as a gynaecologist.

   At page 120 of 500 page into fifty shades of gray the wife is asking question of things in the book. Crazy part is she didn't even ask how I knew.

   I used to wonder what it was like to read people's minds But now that I have a Facebook account I'm over it

   There's this app on my phone that makes me look ugly. It's called "Camera."

   I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend until the acid wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Walmart parking lot.

   Wondering if the English Prime Minister supports the "No Child Left Behind" movement lol

   If you open your iPhone camera when it's reversed, and your own face scares and shames you, it's considered cardio.

   "supermassive black hole" is always funny, I don't care what you say.

   When LIFE turns itz BACK on U.. SLAP itz a$$!!!!

   I think that I should inform everyone to NEVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night. Trust me!

   Before gaydar, it is widely suspected that gay men found each other using a cumpass.

   Make love to a woman's mind, and her body will follow in kind

   This wrinkle cream made my balls look like some weird balloon animal.

   Excuse me Ladies, but my eyes are up here.

   It's so humid in here in the office that the envelopes are licking themselves.

   Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.

   "Does anybody know what time it really is?" - man with an irrational distrust of watches and clocks.

   Just when I thought I hit rock bottom, a wild trap door appears and prove me wrong.

   I just called Chaz Bono "lady" now I'm sitting back and watching the fire works

   Dear Non Smokers: You know we only blow smoke in your faces so that you will finally stop breathing, right?