Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   14-year old Becky writes "Stop wars" as her Facebook status. It gets nine "likes", all from world leaders. Peace reigns forever. She did it.

   Am I the only one that doesn't get that "2 iPhones walk in a bar" joke?

   A perfect relationship is one which the only thing you fight about is who gets to hold the camera when you're fvcking...

   I used to have faith in humanity...then I stepped into Wal-Mart.

   I've never smoked Hookah, but I've been told it tastes exactly like not getting laid.

   I didn't text you just to exercise my fingers, I was expecting a reply back...

   I think I had my zipper down when I slapped my girlfriend at Walmart. I could hear people murmuring,"OMG what a d$ck!"

   Men cheat the most, women cheat the best.

   Sometimes when your sad, no one cares. Sometimes when you cry, no one sees. Sometimes when you leave no one notices. But fart just one time.

   oh hey Sobriety! no thanks, it's Saturday! Maybe you'll have better luck on Monday...

   I have way more eye contact with my computer screen than I do with any humans.

   Happy Saturday!!! May the only work you do be piecing together last night's drunk texts.

   Currently having an "out-of-money" experience.

   hey black guys. When you cover yourself in tatoos, you just look blacker...

   looking forward to being embarrassed tomorrow...

   It must be past the Celtics bedtime.

   Lol at Labron... seemed very confused with what the word "redemption" means... as he avoided the question.

   Nothing SCREAMS "I have a small peni$", more than owning/riding a Harley Davidson!.

   The only alcohol problem I have is i'm running low on vodka

   Take my wife....... for example !!!