Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Before Facebook and online dating, I seriously don't think I've ever seen a picture of a person in their bathroom.

   Some say imaginary friends are for crazy people. Please tell me about Facebook again.

   The hardest part about being Nicolas Cage is that you're having every single emotion all the time.

   Sorry, I'm really bad at returning calls and texts." = "Um yeah, I just don't want to talk to you."

   Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fu$king me.

   Someone needs to uninvent the internet so I can start getting some s$it done.

   "I don't care what anyone thinks!" - People who care what everyone thinks

   Why do people live in regular houses,, when there are steakhouses?

   Lazy Fact #12983789127489: You were too lazy to read that number .

   Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief & suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a Wedding Cake!!

   Hey, don't wear skinny jeans if you have a big head or you end up looking like a damn lollipop.

   Congress has an approval rating of 13% you should know Naked cannibals on Bath Salts are at 18%.

   If you have a craving for Pringles & Sardines at 3am in the morning..... you just smoked some bad weed, thats all!

   Poke Hot biatches on Facebook ...cause my gf is cool with that

   You know what makes me mad? The fact that I know who Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are.

   Having trouble sleeping? How about I tuck you in with this left hook.

   Police officer: "license and registration" Me: "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS!?" Police officer: No Me: "me neither".

   As I've gotten older, every time I look in the mirror I see my dad more and more. I guess its time to move out, its starting to get weird.

   A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend.

   Love is when you wake up with your boxers around your ankles and your hands full of peanut butter, right?.