Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Before facebook, I use to wait about a week for Walgreens to develop my pictures, to show my friends how good I lok in the Bathroom

   Me - "Siri... Write me a status!" Siri - "M... Don't tell me what to do!" Me - :(

   Facebook now lets you put a star on a select group of friends.. JUST LIKE HITLER!

   My friend sent me a text tonight asking if I wanted to go see Saw with them. They thought the movie was sh*t. But that was nothing compared to my sh*t night sitting in a playground waiting for them to show up!!!

   Accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying "Curiosity was here"

   Starting a hammock company for kids called "Kid-Naps" ........and maybe need to rethink some things....... :-(

   You know when you rearrange "Mother -In-Law" in any language you still get "Women Hitler!"......Got a PuertoRican-Haitian Hitler to deal with

   Had to have the 'Drugs' talk with the teenage son the other night... had to warn him how easily he could get ripped off...

   Every car should blast out the Back To The Future theme when they hit 88mph

   When I die I don't want to be in a casket at the Funeral Home... I want them to prop me up sitting in the front row... just to mess with people as they walk in.

   If you want to know whether a chick is a cvnt or not, just call her a c*nt. Nothing sets off a crazy cvnt like being called a cvnt.

   I'm all for abstinence to prevent teen pregnancies and all...But I really do believe that if I would've gotten laid when I was in High School my grades would've been alot better.

   I feel bad making fun of all these idiots I work with. I still do it, but at least I feel bad.

   Do "lol" goes before or after the sentence??? Everytime I read something funny, I quickly stop laughing out loud cuz I get frustrated

   Q: What is the standard # of ppl you can have being blocked on FB? I wanna block all my ex(s)!

   Facebook is giving 'poke suggestions' now? Instead of telling me who to poke they should warn me about who NOT to poke.

   Women do not understand men because they don't have to, Men don't understand women because they are crazy.

   My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

   Oh Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn't read that, you sang it.

   Her: :-P Me: 8===D Her: :-O Me: 8====D~~~ Her: :-) Me: 8=D Me: ZZZZ