Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So you hate Facebook? Thanks for sharing that with me on Facebook.

   I changed my last name on Facebook to "dis", so I can start disliking the stupid stuff people post.

   Everyone has that one friend who insists on messaging you every damn time they see you on Facebook.

   Some of the chicks on my play list aren't even musicians.

   It always get awkward when you're on the elevator with a stranger. Especially after you hug him and tell him you're very lonely.

   I don't do drugs. I can get the same effect just standing up fast!

   You can be the ripest, juiciest and sweetest strawberry in the field, and there's still going to be some fool who hates strawberries.

   A good woman can make you feel macho, strong and able to take on the world. Oh sorry… that's vodka… vodka does that.

   When one door closes… the dress falls off.

   WANTED... Illegal immigrant to act as a mud flap for a 1978 Ford Cortina. Must be flexible and willing to travel.

   My friend Dave is serving a life sentence for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the knife.

   I can never tell a girl I like her so instead I climb up her window while she's sleeping and whisper how I feel while playing with her hair. Collapse

   my heart is the dumbest organ in my body. but also it keeps me alive.

   If I'm down on my knees, I'm probably not one who's begging.

   The one thing that I'll never understand is women, tofu, yoga, and counting...

   Sometimes. I don't understand women. Other times. They are sleeping.

   "Will, you, Mary, Me" -- invitation to an orgy.

   Magic Johnson just said Lebron is special. When a guy who beat AIDS calls you special, then you know!

   LeBron left Cleveland so he didn't have to play by himself in order to win a ring. Looks like Miami is just Cleveland with better weather.

   Sometimes I like to pet another dog while making eye contact with my dog. Adds just the right amount of tension to our relationship.