Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I kicked Today in the face!!

   I'm Too Lazy, I Need Motivation!

   You need motivation to START something, then to keep at it you need DISCIPLINE. You think you have these? Then move your ass.

   says I just want to find someone that doesn't deserve my affection so I don't feel guilty when I treat them like sh!t.

   if dinosaurs really existed why dont you hear about them in the bible?...not even loading 2 of them on the ark

   I forget how ridiculous I look while air drumming until I see the pictures that come with my red light ticket.

   Thanks to all the legal and medical dramas I've watched, I'm pretty sure I'm capable of winning court cases and saving lives.

   FACT: If you keep a crossbow in your home, you're 70% likelier to be shot and/or laughed at by an intruder with a gun.

   I wonder if Fabio finally believes its not butter?

   My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.

   Bacon never asks silly questions... Bacon understands.

   When I fart...you will be the second person to know.

   My boss doesn't realize that I'm cleverly disguised as an adult.

   I look forward to the day that I have a burger named after me.

   Life is more exciting when you're out there living it. I read that somewhere.

   If I was ever given just one month to live, I'd watch a baseball game. It's an eternity.

   My shoulder just got to 2nd base with the chick who is cutting my hair...

   I'm not giving you the finger... I'm just giving you half the peace sign.

   Instead of yelling, I just say "Caps Lock" and then speak at a normal volume...

   fb Who needs it, we have each other... right? Hello?