Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A slut is fun in everyone's bed. A good girlfriend is only a slut in yours.

   I bet if Adam and Eve were Chinese, they would have eaten the snake and not the apple.

   They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.

   George Zimmerman is proof that we don't need any more gun control. We need pin-headed vigilante control.

   my mind never wonders but my hands do ;)

   So its only B3G0 fool who gets away with re-p0sting old material up in this b!tch?

   This password requires one uppercase letter, one number, [at least] one swastika, the blood of your first born and a bird skull.

   Well here I am, sitting on the pavement with my pork pies, sandwiches, & beer. Flying my union jack flag, cheering at the top of my voice with British pride as the procession goes past. Dont you just love muslim funerals.

   I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

   Adam never let Eve boss him around. He wore the plants in the relationship.

   I scrolled too far back on my timeline and I ended up on myspace

   "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.", huh. Hence the zombie apocalypse.....

   Flirting words = "Big head", "Punk", "Ugly", & "We gone fight."" ;)

   A man lying in bed facing his wife, looks into her eyes and says, "Looking at your face reminds me of the lottery babe", She replies "You mean I'm worth millions?" He says "No I wish you would roll over !"

   "Lick it or ticket." - horny cop.

   My Wife said the other day "Do you still love me now that I'm getting old and fat?". Apparently "you're not old" was an inppropriate response.

   Standing in walmart cosmetics aisle with wife and she asks me if she should try this tube of wrinkle remover. I replied "it's kind of a small tube, isn't it?". I've stopped coughing up blood, so the doctors optimistic.

   Pregnancy...when the belly starts to show...the tiddays start to grow.

   They say "Opposites attract" but they never tell you for how long.

   Dear Someone: I miss you so damn much!