Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Sorry, you're not my type." "WELL YOU'RE NOT MY SPECIES."

   The MTV Movie Awards are a great reminder of why kids should never be allowed to vote.

   If this day had a face, it would be that of an evil clown laughing maniacally at me.

   This salad bar sucks. I must've had like 10 shots of this “Italian Dressing” and I'm not the slightest bit drunk.

   I feel bad for kids nowadays that see a cool new toy on tv that they want, but have no way of getting, because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.

   I almost caused an accident trying to open a piece of candy. Can you imagine dying over a Lemon Starburst? #ultimatefail

   Instead of a fox, I would have had the Carfax mascot be a fax machine.

   “I can park here because my hazards are on.” Seems legit.

   I was raised by two really amazing parents, so you can only imagine how much work I had to do to turn out to be this $@^#&! of a person.

   There's no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.

   I'm in a Long Distance Relationship....My Girlfriend Lives in the Future!

   Sigh...It's that time of the year to breakout the razor and stop looking like sasquatch! Ladies, you know what I mean!

   Hey, don't wear skinny jeans if you have a big head. You look like a Pez dispenser.

   I got charged with indecent exposure for telling jokes naked at Home Depot. In my defense, “stand up shower” is very misleading.

   Those rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don't they?

   The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.

   If infants can enjoy their infancy why can't adults enjoy adultery?

   The definition of attention seeking.. Updating your Facebook status in capital letters!

   I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full.

   I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead.