Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You know you're a slut if you know how to make eye contact while giving a bl0wjob.

   Forget flying cars... I want Futurama's complex system of air tubes that take us everywhere....Weeeee !

   If your coffee order is more than six words long, including "thank you," I hope a raccoon rummages through your a$$hole.

   My most recent workout,, was trying to find that "starting edge" of the toilet paper roll.

   Political views are like children. Some people don't have one or want one. Others keep trying to show theirs off.

   Man, those Brits are jubilee-ing their balls off.

   Sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.

   I sent my girl to the mall with my credit card so I can relax and watch TV. I have a feeling I will pay for it later.

   If the Twilight films have taught us anything it's that werewolves are afraid of shirts.

   I'm sorry that I blocked you while I was drunk last night........ but I couldn't figure out how to do it while I was sober. I hope you understand.

   "You'd look pretty crazy without us", said her Eyebrows.

   I love being the first one up in the morning, it gives me time to take all the toilet paper out of the bathrooms for ransom....

   Ugly hoes, you can NOT have attitudes! You need to be nice, cause your looks sure ain't getting you nowhere!!!!

   My last relationship ended when she asked me to take out the trash and I said, ok… where do you want to go?

   it wrong to tell the person who just used the bathroom ahead of you that they need to see a doctor?

   Richard Dawson has died....WOW!! I'm SHOCKED!!! I thought he died YEARS AGO?!?!?!

   Whoever made the ''One loyal Girlfriend is worth more than one hundred hoes'' post has never been with a prostitute...

   Women, they always want what they can't have!

   The only difference between try and triumph is a little 'umph'.

   if I wanted a "home cooked" meal, I'd stay home and cook!