Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Got these new jeans made by children in a sweat shop. A friend asked, "Ed Hardys?" "No, Fed Hardlys".

   The heavyset woman walked with pace, clutching her purse, seemingly unaware that she was invisible to society. Muggers included.

   I mean, I held a door open for a guy once, but everybody experiments in college.

   It's hard to trust someone who starts each sentence with "to be honest".

   •Keep the smile. •Leave the tear. •Think of joy. •Forget the fear. •Hold the laugh. •Leave the pain. •Be joyous till i. post again!.

   Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.

   Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

   I own a shop selling 'CLOSED' signs. We haven't had a single customer.

   Ever wake up to an alarm and hit the alarm clock and the sound doesn't shut off...so you keep smacking it and just before you throw it against the wall you realize that it is your phone? That was me yesterday...

   .When the doctor said that we couldn't have sex for 6 weeks, I actually saw a tear roll down the palm of my hand

   Just treated my nostrils to a Brazilian!!

   Some people should use glue stick for lip balm.

   Like if you remember British Knights shoes

   Like if you remember San francisco riding gear jeans

   ''Plus size'' Woman = Beautiful...."Plus size'' Man= Fat ass

   When it comes to music...Rock...um...uh...ROCKS.

   Okay....who's responsible for my "poke" finger smelling funny?

   So now if you tell a woman you want to eat her is she going to cover her face and scream?

   We're getting so obese, they've added new plus sizes.....Huge....Gigantic and Oh my God, it's coming our way.

   Don't need to worry about zombies here in West Virginia....no brains.