Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So it's okay to kill hookers in video games, but smack one around in real life because you want to negotiate the price and suddenly everyone gets all pissy. Geeze.

   Told my son to break up with his cross-eyed girlfriend, I think she was seeing someone else.

   Just found out I have tinnitus from constant exposure to rape whistles.

   Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.

   Remember when you blow back up the Capri Sun pouches and try to give them to your friend hoping that they will think it's full?

   Just finished everything that I had on my To Do list for today which was just a drawing of a set of boobs on a Post It note.

   My favorite condiment is sarcasm, I put it on everything.

   Smart phones, smart cars, smart everything... Where are all the smart people?

   I think it's impossible to play the Wii without looking like you're competing in a relay race for the Special Olympics.

   We gotta get out of this place..if its the last thing we ever do.!

   starving! i'm so hungry I can eat a face!!! # toosoon?

   Going to a strip club in the middle of the day can be so depressing. Especially if you catch the end of your mom's shift.

   my GF and I have so much in common, she thinks I'm the best looking, kindest, smartest, best lover, most considerate, humblest, man in the world...and I agree

   I had a dream that all the neglected MySpace Profiles came back and wanted vengeance.

   "You should know that when I say it ain't nothin' but a G thang, sometimes it *is* more than just a G thang!" - passive-aggressive Dr. Dre

   Doctor says I have Gunter glieben glauchen globen syndrom. I break out in hives whenever I hear Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages".

   I keep thinking about Shane from "The Walking Dead" telling Rick that "it all started with a few weird news reports."

   The first rule of Thesaurus Club is,, You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, chin wag, natter or chat about Thesaurus Club.

   Ahhhh,,, At last, my wife has found something her butt does not look big in............... Walmart

   So, what has the Queen ever done for us?