Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I didn't want my boss to think that I'm touchy & cry easily so when he scolded me I took out onions from my pocket & started cutting them

   I wish some people's clothes were made of Touch Screen Material !! :0)

   These bathsalts sure do make me feel funny.....

   Bath Salt party at my place tonight, parents are out of town!

   Today My NASDAQ of friend reports: A loss of 3 friends, thats down from last week. So I need funnier jokes ppl!

   You wanna know how my day is going ?? My M&M's Melted in my Hand and Not in My Mouth !

   SO THAT"S what a Super Massive Black Hole IS !? HUH ! I was thinking something TOTALLY DIFFERENT !

   In light of recent develops the once popular phrase "Eat Me" has lost popularity!!

   If the facebook app gets any slower my timeline will be going backward

   If coffee or booze can't fix it, then it's a serious problem.

   Libertarians keep Republicans out of your bedroom and Democrats out of your wallet.

   I'm hungrier than a Floridian Zombie!

   The police have trained sniffer dogs to identify criminals who are carrying guns, coke and cash. Or "Mexicans", as I prefer to call them.

   If your going to shoot a black kid and claim self defense, make sure you dont lie to the judge, and have $135,000 worth of asset and 2 passports!! Take some bathsalt to the head afterwards if you thinking about it.

   Hey Merriweather, since you're ducking Pacquiao you can fight O.J. now!!! Inmate!

   My legs are so white they signed their kids up for way too many extra-curricular activities.

   If you hang around four broke people, I guarantee you will be the fifth.

   remember the good ole days when you only had to worry about creepy white guys trying to eat your face.

   Spike Lee must have planted that extra passport and assets on George Zimmermen!!!

   Florida's Zombie, Florida's Zimmerman, Florida's Laws, and Florida's Heat Team....sounds like Floridans are leading the chart in the Funny