Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Whenever women make fun of me because I'm poor, it really hurts. Iv'e been poor my whole adult life. I can't help it if I have an earning disability

   Nothing is worse than biting into a hot pocket than when your two front teeth slice through a gritty frozen meat ball.

   If anybody is interested in a job where you sit and drink beer, 3 hours a day, 2 days a week, for $8000 a week, contact me. We can look together.

   Facebook stock continues to lose value, in fact it's so bad, finally the farmville farms are going into foreclosure.

   Did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by now?

   so, when two dudes marry, do they both stop giving BJ's??

   There is no relationship I treasure more than my bond with my recliner. We go waaaayyy back!

   well, I gues I'm going to have to find a wife. These dishes aren't going to wash themselves...

   ‎"I'm not like most girls." -most girls

   You know you're good at Threesomes when you get both women pregnant.

   I met a cute girl in the tampon section, so I asked her if I could take her out in 5 to 7 days.

   Women are like horoscopes, they always tell you what to do and they're usually wrong.

   Listen, I'm not fat ok, I'm just so sexy that it overflows.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: Let´s drink Vodka until you don´t remember what I suggest next..

   Honey, why don't you take a break, you're working too hard." = "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

   I've been making the same mistakes in life for so long, I should just call them traditions!

   Dear parent constantly bragging about your kid on Facebook, everybody else is rooting for your kid to fail.

   Dudes who wear skinny jeans, you took the phrase "I got in her pants" the wrong way...

   FACT: In the Czech Republic, abortions are called cancelled Czechs

   My dream job would be to drive the karma bus.