Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wonder if kids in China ever look at their happy meal toys and think, "Hey, I made this."

   Hey old guys wearing your hats backwards, you're making it worse.

   I've never met a person that liked me I didn't like.

   My blonde GF kept yelling out 43 days! 43 days! I finally asked her why she kept saying that. She said she finished a puzzle that said 4-5 Years on the box.

   Arguing with a woman is like bringing a knife to a gun fight, then repeatedly stabbing yourself with it.

   Before sliced bread, the best invention was food that didn't run away when you tried to eat it.

   At some point you just stop wiping your kid's ass for him and hope for the best.

   My girlfriend doesn't like it when I talk about her weight, she thinks it's a heavy subject

   it true that every girl is a patron bottle away from a lesbian experience? Because they have that sh!t on sale at Costco right now.

   It's all fun and games untill someone spills bong water on the last slice of pizza!

   Priscilla Chan is to Mark Zuckerberg as Yoko Ono is to ...

   My ideal location to propose would be The Grand Canyon Skywalk...that way if she says "No'' I'll just push her over the bridge.

   girl I'm friends with on Facebook recently broke up with her boyfriend and now I know all the lyrics to Taylor Swift's first cd

   Give a woman an inch and she'll laugh while telling all of her friends...

   That embarrassing moment when you shoot a three pointer at a dustbin and miss.

   "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife" [groom looks at bride], groom says "Is this the only time you never answer for me in front of everybody?"!

   when the therapist asks about your relationship with your parents, just say "non sexual" that will answer them and keep them quiet for $100 an hour!! Well worth the facial expressions.

   I see Walmart is opening a dental office in select stores. I wonder if they will have an express lane for people with 10 teeth or less

   The saddest part of the recession is all of the laid-off workers at the C+C Music Factory

   I heard you're a player. Nice to meet you, I'm the coach