Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Single, taken, in a relationship; are all just terms. Your status is measured by your actions.

   Three words that can really really  crush a mans pride. "Is it in"?

   Why do people put their relationship status as " its complicated "??  We all know that means ur single but still doing ur ex.. why advertise that???

   If there's one thing the internet has taught me over the years.... It's that alot of money would be saved during the deconstruction of old buildings if we just fired some angry birds at them.

   Broke a light bulb today. Seven years of bad ideas?

   Being Irish means getting rip-roaring drunk on special occasions. For example, when you celebrate dinner.

   Beer commercials taught me good looking people like horrible beer.

   What did the ocean say to the land.....nothing it just waved

   I try to eat enough greasy food so that plaque can't stick to my arteries.

   I'm not racist.. I have a colored TV......

   I am the author of my life, Unfortunately I am writing in pen, So I cant erase my mistakes

   Oi DI#KHEAD!! If you can read this..Can you please let me know..coz it means I blocked the wrong person..Sorry bud..I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline cr#p!!

   I'm going to create man & women with original sin. Then I'm going to impregnate a woman with myself as her child so that I can be born. Once alive, I will kill myself as a sacrifice to myself. To save you from a sin I originally condemned you to. Ta dah!!

   This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.

   everytime someone likes my status an angel gets thier wings

   What's worse...being the paparazzi who has to take photos of Justin Bieber or being the paparazzi who gets his ass kicked by Justin Beiber?

   It's important to let go of your dreams if you want to make room for more brownies.

   I think everything my children have said for the past 48 hours has been in the form of a question. I'm living in Alex Trebek's nightmare.

   Facebook's just not as fulfilling as it never was.

   It would be cool if getting Lou Gehrig's disease meant you became amazing at baseball.