Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Do not READ this status. Thanks

   Shouldn't we really wait to hear from Adele's ex boyfriend before we take sides?..

   Whenever I hear about bad things happeneing to Clairvoyants and Psychic`s I just think why did`nt you see that coming ?

   Have you ever wanted to tell some one "Maybe you should eat some make-up so you can be pretty on the inside?"

   Finally, that rare and elusive Monday we like.

   Just got my hearing test results back. Turns out I am deaf to a range in which women complain.

   My driver's license says I'm an organ donor but jokes on them because I'm actually a bass player.

   My sunscreen says its SPF 100. I opened the tube and actually, out popped a blanket.

   I have a feeling that this Philip Philips guy is going to be huge if he can just figure out a way to get one more Philip into his name

   If I was single, I would have a stick figure of myself on the back of my car next to a bag of cash.

   I say that anyone who messes with America, is gonna get a good dose of Red, White, Black and Blue!

   It's a tie...America 2...Towel He@ds 2

   Ahh, Memorial Day. A day when we all stop working, start drinking and burn food in honor of our military who, coincidently, have to work…

   smoke free for 17,770 days now!!

   Has anyone ever noticed the & symbol looks like a man dragging his a$$ across the floor?

   Me: You know, talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy. Me: I know, right? Me: It's a sign of advanced intelligence. Me: High-5. Me: Word.

   For the life of me, I can't understand why small and medium pizzas exist.

   Build a barricade?! Crap, I thought you said build a bear arcade. Those bears are gonna be pissed when I tell them no more Cruis'n USA.

   Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?

   Things to do: 1) Dig a hole 2) Name it love 3) Watch people fall in love.