Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've been listening and wondering all day, and then it hit me. The ice cream truck isn't going to run because of the holiday.

   I hope Karma punches you in the face before I do.

   You got stretch marks around your mouth b!tch, so don't be playing hard to get.

   If you're going to block me... then you better block all of my friends on FB! Right guys? Guys? Hello? Dammit! :(

   part of a rally rallying for more jobs...I don't get why the police singled me out just because I had the word "blow" before "job" on my placard!

   Jenna Jameson was arrested for a DUI which means she can now add the breathalyzer to the long list of things she's blown.

   Whenever I see someone calling my phone, I wait and see if they will call 10 times, if they don't, it probably wasn't that important.

   I'm fighting the worst case of bad breath EVER! It's tough holding a co-worker down while you brush his teeth.

   I'm doing 'Angry Yoga' tonight. It's just lying on the floor drinking a bottle of whiskey as I shout at my man b00bs.

   Whenever someone describes themselves as curvy, I always picture Owen Wilsons' nose.

   One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, weird... I heard you were better."

   Fellas, you can usually judge a woman's hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a slut.

   Fellas, If a girl switches from Cowgirl to Doggy-Style on her own, without even needing to be told........ you have found a f*ck Goddess.

   Whats the point of a High School Reunion? I have Facebook, I already know you got fat!

   Nowdays spending time thinking for a gud status is quite easier than searching for it here

   What if that guy just found a mountain that looked like those presidents and then told everyone he carved it?

   Oh, you're engaged and in high school? I'm sure your marriage will last forever.

   I want to quit drinking, but my momma didn't raise a quitter!

   Facebook's friend suggestion section should be renamed to "People you know, but probably hate."

   A rejected highfive is one of the biggest insults there is.