Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Does anyone know of a way to "block" themselves? I'm tired of reading the sh*t that I post.

   Please print out and redeem this post at your local retailer to receive one free: "What the FRIG is this?"

   My life coach just advised me to,,, "run out the clock"

   Hey,, You know Paula Deen has no one to blame butter self.

   If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.

   unwittingly a dog whisperer! After an argument with my sister I whispered "b*tch" and she said "I heard that"

   its enough gravy when my plate looks like an infinty pool

   im tired of arguing with myself.. I wish I would just stfu and mind my own business..

   Facebook allows me to see what my life would look like if I had married my girlfriend that I had in my 20s. - Dodged a bullet there.

   Optimists can see the world the way it can become. So, pessimists will never change the world, only optimists can.

   Ever notice the car dealerships commercials with hundreds of people running there to buy there cars...lol that never happens theres no one there..dah.!

   hey... I just met you, and this is crazy, but please shut the f$ck up.

   it considered drinking alone if you're on Facebook?

   I was the kid that would restart the video game whenever I knew I was going to lose.

   The biggest lie I tell myself: I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it.

   Did we give a Nobel Prize to the guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon?

   When the zombie apocalypse happens, gamers will survive. It will be up to the dorks to reproduce... they will finally get laid!

   Don't be sad because someone gave up on you. Feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would never give up on them.

   I tried to end this farce of a life by jumping off a bridge only to discover that I can fly

   Tell me about a time you made someone feel like sh!t." - airline employee interview question.