Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Growing up I always dreamed of being slimed on Nickelodeon.

   I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."

   Seeing a loser from your high school w/ a good job is like graffiti on a highway bridge... how the Hell did that get there?

   Carry yourself like a queen and you will attract a king! Carry yourself like a hoe, and see how far you will go.

   You know you had a good night when you wake up with one less friend and one new useless Ebay purchase.

   My GF told me she was seeing a psychiatrist. That's ok, I said; I'm seeing a nurse, a fitness instructor and a college student…

   Dear People, Please stop all the period jokes. Sincerely, Everyone's Ovary Acting

   When I text you a massive paragraph and you reply 40 minutes later with 'K' Fu$k you

   Sometimes The Best Things In Life Are Worth Waiting For.. So Wait For Me I Will Be Right Back...

   if you aren't pissing off at least 10 people a day, you aren't trying...

   "The View" is pointless. Those ladies need to stop talking about politics and start passing around sandwich recipes.

   Did anyone figure out where they got the bright white sports car?

   Dear "cool people", they didn't name a candy after you, did they? Sincerely, nerds.

   My chinese friend died last week. So Yung.

   it's funny how gas can drop $10.00 a barrel and the price at the pump stays the same for a week or so, but if it goes up a dollar the price at the pump jumps right away.. that's just F'd up, if you ask me.

   :I think I'm going to start calling other white guys "my Cracker" And get angry when black guys say it... No?

   :I've seen fashion girls do things for cocaine that even a dog wouldn't do for some peanut butter.

   :Medical fact: If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well!

   :To all the fat chicks that only take pics from the neck up .... good try ... Very good try.

   words of wisdom: a woman will ALWAYS have the last words in any/all argument(s) ... anything said after that, is the beginning of a new argument...