Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   First of all, Adam Levine, who still uses a pay phone? Secondly, you're such a wuss. Stop calling her. She obviously treats you like crap & puts you in misery. Grow some balls, man.

   IPO= Its Probaly Overpriced

   No, you may not "axe" me a question. I don't speak welfare.

   Just tied a vegan to the train tracks with rope made of Slim Jims. Now we wait.

   Dear MacGuyver,,,I've enclosed a yoyo, three pennies, and mentos... Please save the rainforest.....Love, Snotty

   Say what you will about him,,, but I think it's pretty cool that Jesus spoke in red letters.

   I bought a teethbrush.... It's actually has saved me a lot of time.

   I don't know why cops bother asking me questions I've never had one believe me.

   Never has there been so many energy drinks yet we've never been more tired.

   Are airline stewards forbidden from saying "Hi Jack," even if the pilot's name is "Jack?"

   If you have little kids and often hire a babysitter, don't plan on doing anything before you check the Justin Bieber concert schedule for your town.

   Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status - after three times it should default to unstable

   DC Comics announces Batman will be coming out of the closet to reveal himself as a homosexual. I'm not surprised, with as much time the boy wonder spent in his cave.

   Just got "The Look" from my dog. You know, the "What the hell you doing??? I drink out of there" look...

   Mirror mirror on the wall, I dont give a shit about seeing snow white and the huntsmen at all.

   While on Facebook, I realized that I don't hate Facebook...I hate people.

   I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.

   So Siri is basically a chick that has no personality and claims to know everything? ...Sounds like my ex!

   Pregnancy tests should read: You're Screwed! or Keep Screwing.

   Jail, I mean school. Sorry, I can't tell the difference