Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Girlfriend: Baby, I'm Pregnant. What do you want it to be? . . . . . . Boyfriend: A joke.

   I wear my wedding ring on my middle finger to remind me of how f*cked I am

   Despite the cost of living, it's still popular!

   Misunderstandings happen when one person is clearly stupid.

   My Boss Asked Me to Start The Presentation With a Joke. “I Attached My Payslip On the First Slide.”

   Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy, men have to deal with women. It's all about balance.

   Dear Mark Zuckerberg.: HA-HA!!! --MySpace Tom

   Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six if you be the nine

   I'm not really marriage material... since I still have hopes and dreams.

   Streaking is all fun and games... until the fat one wants to do it.

   "I LOVE getting up this early!" - Nobody

   I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans "Free nights and weekends"

   Thought about hitting the gym today but I called ahead and they said the shake weight is still out of service so screw that.........

   I park in handicapped spaces and watch handicapped people pulling handicapped faces.

   Got fired from my job as a bingo caller... apparently "A meal for two with a terrible view" was a pathetic way to announce the number 69.

   Put a viàgrã pill in your fuel tank...atleast the fuel indicator will stay up !! :D

   I went to a Mechanic when my car started making these awful noises but it just turned out to be Nickelback playing on the radio.

   Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling

   #Facebook will be worth even more someday to the alien scientists trying to determine why humans perished.

   I just thought of something that really sucks. How are you?