Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

    I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry. 

   Just saw a homeless guy wearing a Nickelback shirt. Further proof that listening to Nickelback leads directly to homelessness.

   Why would LL Kool J's Mom want me to be knocked out? What did I do?

   Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Why you insist on being wrong is beyond me, but go nuts with it.

   Executioners are always dressed to kill.

   If I got a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be asking people why they're giving me dimes.

   Grocery store flowers; show someone you care slightly more than not at all.

   Professional wrestler name: Office Max. Signature move: Three Hole Punch.

   My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he planned on upgrading his computer to Windows 7. Arnold's response: "I still love Vista, Baby."

   We have so much in common. You want to travel, and I want you to go.

   You're only young once. If you act like an idiot after that, you're gonna need a new excuse.

   It'd be pretty messed up if the cure for cancer was in those end-slices of bread.

   Dont be afraid of change, its inevitable. Unless youre homeless. Then you might have to go around asking for it. By the way, I dont have any.

   Prison is peculiar. All the pros are cons.

   I replied to your event invites with "maybe" because there wasn't a box for "I haven't seen you since high school, leave me alone."

   Facebook went public, because even they couldn't figure out the Privacy Settings.

   I opened up a bottle of coke and it said, "Sorry, you didn't win". I didn't even know I was playing, yet I was still disappointed.

   OK. So I danced like no one was watching. My Court date is pending.

   A recent government survey reports that people are more cynical these days than any time in history. Like I'm really supposed to believe that…