Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   “Leftover Bacon” – a phrase you've never heard before.

   Doctors handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏. What I see: ∮₪₮￦￡. What the nurse sees: Aspirin.

   You never realize what you have till it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

   All the Auto-Tune in the world will never ever sound as cool as talking into a desk fan.

   MY Grocery Store is so environmetally conscience it doesnt give paperbags anymore- jsut plastic...OH but they still havent figured out howNOT to give a 3 ft receiept for buying jsut a loaf of bread!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Mark Zukerberg should have changed his status instead of Married..to "Its Complicated" - looking at his failing IPO

   You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you in the dark.

   Wanna feel old? This years high school graduating class was born in 1995.

   Mark Zukerberg getting married already cost him a fortune......

   I never understood why women always have their hands in their bras. Then last night I found myself watching TV with my hand in my pants. It finally occurred to me...when you've got something great, you want to hold onto it. :)

   I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

   Mark Zuckerburg is worth billions. Yet, he marries Priscilla Chan. He would have been better off with a mail order bride.

   I have come to the conclusion that I have a mammographic memory...

   If you didn't want me to do you then why were you saggin your pants?-Inmate 2541

   always learn from mistakes of others who took your advice

   doctors finally figured out whats wrong with peoples brains; on the left side, there's nothing right; and on the right side, there's nothing left…

   a tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

   Doctors handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏. What I see: ǽ₮∂￦￡. What the pharmacist sees: Aspirin you dumb ass.

   Time is like a stretched elastic band. You can't let it go or it'll come back and take your balls out.

   It's only a matter of time until "Security Cameras of Wal-Mart" is a reality TV show.