Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   you know you're too fat when the underwear company renames your size as udderwear

   This girl in class just pulled out an antique camera and asked me to take her a picture.....Anyone remembers how to use those 35mm diposable camera from Walgreens? I totally forgot.. Do I wind it up left or right b4 the picture?

   Oh, your boyfriend has swag? That`ll pay your bills in 10 years.

   This lady on the highway is driving like a maniac & she has kids in the car. Lady I'm not following you. I want to watch Ice Age too.

   I can't believe I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

   I like a strong woman with a broken accent. They no like game, take slow time to know & want ask this to you so for please no lie.

   You never fully realize how terrible your toothbrush is until you get a new one.

   Thank you for your payment, I'm going to give you a confirmation number." "Cool, I'm going to pretend I'm writing it down.

   In times of great sadness, terrible pain & unreasonable hardship try putting your faith in convenience store scratch tickets.

   We live in a time period of smart phones and stupid people.

   To all the fat chicks that only take pics from the neck up .... good try ... good try.

   Monday isn't so bad if you lube up.

   Follow your heart, but bring your brain for back-up.

   Do I really need a 3ft receipt for buying a coke and a pack of gum?

   Thinks there are better things in life than alcohol. but alcohol makes up for not having them

   I work hard, because millions on welfare are depending on me.

   I went to a Narcissists Anonymous meeting but it was just this pathetic bunch of nobodies

   What hip hop music needs is more songs set in nightclubs. About nightclubs. Encouraging people to go to nightclubs.

   Fun Fact: the seven letters of "rainbow" stand for the different colors! Red, arange, iellow, neen, blue, ondigo, and wiolet. I'm drunk.

   I give Mark Zuckerberg new wife 3 years ..before she files ..and walks off with $1billion..not bad if you can get it.