Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you're offended by a woman's foul mouth... then you've probably never made one cumm! :)

   Who the Hell puts Gary is a Moose and thought that ish would be funny? Last time I checked Gary is a pet Snail...... off of SpongeBob!!!

   F*CK You ↑ You ↖ You ↗ You ↙ You → You ↓ You ↩ You ↪ You ↬ You ↫ You ↪ You ↩ You ↲ You ↯ You ↱ You ↰ You ↷ You ↳ You ↶ You ↴ You ↵ And You ↺

   Sometimes I look at what someone is wearing and I can't help but think, "Damn GIRL, did you give up on life?"

   Music is the best Time Machine.

   I may not open a lot of doors for women, but I do kill a lot of dragons for them.

   I like getting drunk because I love it when the whole world revolves around me.

   Two lesbians walk into a bra....................(Yes,,that was a typo, but I liked it so much, I kept it.)

   now that Zuckerberg is married, if he divorces does she get the "face" half or the "book" half

   Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!!"

   usually if ur driving behind a person who has a TAPOUT sticker on the of back of their car window... chances are they are a huge pu$$y !

   In your bed: it's 6:00, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school: it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31.

   Who else backspaces their whole password, even if only one letter is wrong?

   Kids are ridiculous these days, when we were young, we took spelling tests, not pregnancy tests.

   Mark Zuckerberg got married today. His new wife set her relationship status to "CHA-CHING!!"

   Any dude who waits for Valentines Day to treat his woman like a Queen is failing 364 days a year.

   There's no need to rush. If something's meant to be, it'll happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.

   People only bring up your past when they are intimidated by your present!

   Well I tried watching the eclipse but the damn moon was in the way!

   Guess whose filing for a divorce....Tom's wife from Myspace!