Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm already sick of writing this book I'm thinking of writing.

   The Men's Warehouse guy is going to die of lung cancer. I guarantee it.

   If these walls could talk, I'd probably stop hanging things with nails.

   If I had a time machine I'd stop OJ from killing those ppl & then nobody would ever know what a Kardashian is.

   It's tough to control a fear of abandonment issue when your therapist doesn't show up for your appointment.

   Wow, there you are all hot and everything; then you post a pic of you with your kids...1 and 3 years old. Negate!

   You think you can preach??? I just convinced a Pentecostal woman to put on pants.

   The guy that invented caller ID should win a Nobel peace prize. Think about many marriages and jobs that invention has actually saved

   The famous 39lbs cat named Meow has died... When reached for comment Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid said Meow's death is CLEARLY a result of the Republicans WAR on CATS!

   note to self.... on the night your wife turns 33... she is not TWICE as flexible as a 16 1/2 year old...

   Why did Facebook go public? Couldn't they figure out the privacy settings either?

   What's the most sensitive part of your body while m@sturbating? Your ears because you're listening for footsteps ... in case someone walks in on you.

   DOG DIARY: Today was so much fun! My master and I played fetch! CAT DIARY: Day 972 of captivity.

   I have this bad habit of always using my left hand to wipe my ass. Instead, I'm going to try to commit to using toilet paper more often.

   I shall share with thee how I emerged as the youthful heir to the throne of Bel-Air.

   What guys use pockets for: 7%: Putting stuff in it. 93%: Secretly scratching their balls.

   People are tired of hearing about my girlfriend troubles, especially my wife.

   If your chinese store dont have bullet proof glass then your not in the hood.!

   Wonder if Zuckererg lost his virginity last night

   Was gonna deactivate my facebook..but I thought I'd be so proud of myself I'd wanna put it as my status..so I thought it was no point! :)