Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's nice finding people from our past. I'm still trying to find the girl from elementary school that couldn't stop sucking her thumb.

   It was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

   : I farted while lifting a heavy object today. It was very embarrassing. I had to apologise to the man at the next urinal.

   If some of you all put your heads together..We would only get some dandruff.

   using Scotch Blue Painter's tape instead of Duct Tape because she wants it rough, yet romantic.

   MY girlfriend says I'm too immature for her. I'm still trying to figure out how she got past my force field.

   It's Friday night... So many innocent beers have no idea what's coming for 'em.

   I think cops should yell "PICKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" before they taze someone

   Absence makes the heart grow fonder...but Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger.

   Kanye West should open a breakfast restaurant called "Omelette You Finish"

   Penguins mate once and stay together for life. All those failed relationships you had? Penguins are kicking your ass.

   Nothing makes you look younger than an old photo.

   The number one rule in life "stay in your own lane "and there won't be any accidents.

   :Men, we all know the real reason there's always one missing sock. Shame. That's why.

   My grandma fell on the floor, And it ended up being longer than 5 seconds,,, so we're gonna have to let her go.

   Like if you ever had High School friends hook you up that worked at fast food places.

   Powered off the smart phone felt like I was having a heart attack...

   The amount of sleep required by the average person is just five minutes more.

   Word of the day: Exhaustipated. Just too tired to give a sh!!t.

   When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.