Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear Doctor Phil: I am 16 years old and I am not pregnant yet, does that mean my brother is g@y?

   :Shout out to single moms (because I know they put out).

   Sex is good… the monks made a mistake; the ancient document says, “Celebrate,” not “Celibate!”

   It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

   I'm not nodding to say yes about your idea....The voices in my head are agreeing with me that you're an idiot..

   Someone who has a hard time keeping up with technology has added you on Google+

   Have you ever just stopped and thought... "I was once inside my father's balls" ( ._. )

   I have a Victoria's Secret model's body!! (in my basement)

   Do white women really not know that their hair is in their mouth?

   I was once in a band called The Stepchildren. A lot of people pretended to like us.

   You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.

   eHarmony should be more like Amazon for those sad lonely people. "Customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03."

   I feel sorry for kids that behave in public because you know they get beat at home a lot.

   My co-worker informed me that people raised with manners say “Please” and “Thank you.” So I responded “Please, shut the f*ck up, thank you.”

   All these idiots that attended my Elvis Impersonation Show wants their money back but I had on the correct sun shades and costume AND I WAS LYING PERFECTLY STILL IN THE CASKET....... so, SCREW 'EM

   Avoid arguments on facebook with someone who types faster than you...

   I found out two things last night. 1. Sometimes bowel movements float. 2. My neighbors have a new hot tub

   I guess firefighters really get pissed when you call and say your house is on fire and when they show up, you just want your pool filled for the season...

   Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)

   There are many benefits of being fat over being skinny. Take Buddha, for instance, he was too heavy to be put on a cross, so they told him to just sit there, quietly.