Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just bought a $5 frappuccino at Starbucks and got a free 2 week supply of napkins and sugar. I guess it balances out.

   Cop: "Can you say the alphabet backwords." Me: "Yeah, If you let me write it down frontwords first."

   The opening to OKC-Lakers 2nd half is the perfect commercial for Southwest airlines. Hey Mike Brown, want to get away?

   There is an over abundant amout of "your thumbnail pic was hot but the full size pic made me shudder" on Facebook.

   Things you should never do after a breakup: 1. Listen to love songs. 2. Read old messages 3. Read their statuses, tweets or updates.

   Help your local police, beat yourself-up.

   Good morning beautiful ladies "Kisses" Good morning ugly ladies "handshakes"...

   I'm a Hangman master when we play using binary.

   I think this time around we elect a 17yr old girl president... That way when the economy goes sour,, she can run to her room and slam the door.

   Actually, officer,,, I prefer to think that PBR smells like me.

   Is the whole point of the Home Depot commercials to make me feel lazy?

   When someone says "I've got the Mondays" I yell "OH I HOPE YOU DON'T DIE FROM IT!" and then we don't ever have to talk again.

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't - Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.

   In honor of Mother's Day, I'm going to subtly disapprove of everything people do today by loudly exhaling.

   I'm chivalrous. I always hold the door open for a woman so I can get a better look at her butt.

   Just doing my daily check here to see what to post.

   Nothing says you're out of shape like getting winded while vacuuming.

   The guy who invented "Take Your Child To Work Day" probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on the way to work.

   I have a slight cold, so let me know if you need my address to send sympathy cards.

   I will be the first rapper to rap about the troubles of programming a spare Garage Door Opener remote.