Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I asked my mom what she wants for Mothersday smh she never changes she said "for you to eat your vegetables"

   What do we want? A cure for TOURETTE'S! When do we want it? C(_)NT'S.

   for those who never worked at a restaurant before, walking in 5 minutes before closings automatically entitles you to "special sauce" on whatever you order...

   On a scale of 1 to Rihanna, how big is your foerhead?

   Question of the day: unibrows- sexy or an evil genius' plot to take over the world?

   Don't you think it's awkward for most teens today getting a "happy mothers day" for their mistake?

   I wonder what eminem is doing for mothers day

   I am starting to think my life is like a revolving door.... Every time I hesitate to go through I get slapped by the door as it passes

   Inspired by T.G.I. Fridays, I opened a restaurant called C.L.I. Tuesdays. No one could find it.

   Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms and single moms. Also, if any of you women are looking to be a mom; hit me up on the DM.

   My leg fell asleep; so this means I qualify for handicap parking right?

   "girls will be boys" - Thai tourism board

   I will stop drinking when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water. Get the hint?

   I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.

   Today, we celebrate to all the chicks that said "leave it in"

   I text my Ex yesterday and she didn't text back..Obviously she passed out of excitement!

   I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" Uh no B$tch, I'd also like all this invisible sh$t...

   99% of girls are hot. The other 1% go to my school.

   You were all the elite sperm in an ejaculation. So, please, do not doubt yourselves - you are awesome!

   Happy Mamacita's Day to all the Senoritas who played for keeps