Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Straight marriage, gay marriage, whatever. Just stop showing me pictures of your kids and we're cool.

   If you're on someone else's Facebook, the cruelest thing to do is probably to actually add the "people you may know."

   ah, Friday! My second favorite "F" word!

   When I die, I'm going to have the Tetris theme played at my funeral... just as my coffin is being lowered into the ground.

   Hardest thing ever? Controlling your laughter at serious times

   It takes two people to fall in love + one to wreck it.

   Why do you have to go so slowly over a "speed" bump?

   [ ] single. [ ] taken. [X] I get about as much attention as a white crayon."

   The pretty girl may get the husband....but the nice girl gets the best man.

   Facing your problems is like facing a bull...either take them by the horns, or run like hell.

   You don't have to be perfect to be useful....the rusty nail still holds the roof on.

   When you hear people speak in another language: 6% I wish I could speak that. 94% Those b**ches better not be talking about me...

   (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ " make me a Sandwich!" .. Girlfriend : ( -.-) "HELL NO!" ..... (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻ "THE HELL YOU SAY ?"

   Ladies: Don't dress like a slut and expect to be treated like a queen

   I'm thinking of doing a butter sculpture of a stick of butter. I hope nobody has done that one yet.

   "Cookies n cream" ice cream is really just cookies and ice cream.

   While I'm flattered Smoky thinks otherwise, I'm not the only one who can prevent forest fires.

   When the artist dies, this roll of flower print Bounty is going to be worth a fortune.

   Today's a great day to stalk someone you haven't seen since high school and say, "You wrote 'keep in touch' in my yearbook, well here I am!"

   I'm thinking of dropping the whole "I'm from the street/thug life" persona.