Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just saved a bunch of money by shopping online with other people's credit card numbers.

   Johnny Depp dresses like a human dreamcatcher.

   One Direction goes both ways.

   I bet Carroll Shelby went from Alive to Dead in less than 10 seconds

   Oh act like you never bullied someone in school.

   I got 99 problims and speling aint won of thim.

   The word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT........

   My generations attachment parenting was when my mom hit me on the head with the 18 inch long metal serving spoon attached to her hand.

   it is cool that the new deaf guy at our office reads lips, but I wish he would stop using a yellow highlighter every time I say something important.

   Girl in nothing but a t shirt-hot! Dude in nothing but a t shirt-perv...

   My ex assured me that size never matter, but all of her dild@s look like they needed a lamp shade on top.

   My Mom is made entirely of flaws,, Stitched together with good intentions and a pantload of love....Love you Ma.

   I was told to seek help today,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Fair enough,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, help

   My turtle ran away last month.... I'm heartbroken... I tried talking him out of it the entire 2 weeks it took him to reach the sidewalk.

   If you Spend more time with your boys than you do with your girlfriend.YOU GAY!

   Relationships are like garage sales: At a distance it looks like it could be interesting...up close it's just a ton s$it you don't need!

   I ain't doing s$it today. ☑ Mission accomplished.

   Most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life. Drink to your health!

   Some girls are like a blunt... Hit it a couple times, then pass it to your buddy.

   If you can read but still watch The Jersey Shore, please donate your unused literacy to someone who might use it.