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Its funny how some people can talk crap behind your back and then act like they got your back when they see you. 
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
Just saw a t-shirt that said "It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean" which translated to "Hey, I've got a small pen!s and a stupid shirt."
believes every road in the world is under construction right now!
who cares if someone is bi, straight or gay- does it affect your life at all? Mind your own biz and live your life, not someone elses
Money means nothing to me. If you don't believe me, just ask me for money. You'll get nothing.
If I ever go missing, put my picture on a bourbon bottle; no one I know drinks milk.
Can't wait till I'm old and I can play the 'fall asleep' card in awkward situations
Well it's here again..Belly Button week on FB, post a pic of your belly button as your profile...remember, no matter if it's an "inny" or an "outie", lint is welcomed!!
We live in a world that says The "Walk of Shame" is after having sex, but walking out of a bathroom after dropping the ultimate stink bomb is a prestigious accomplishment.
The Nutley Mom from NJ turned 50 shades of tan !!!!!!!!
The fact that the voice in my head yells whenever I read something thats in all capital letter kinda DISTURBS ME.
Its so cold outside this black lady told me "you gonna freeze to deaf". Now I know why they wear toboggans all the time.
Never "hood-slide" like Bo Duke on a hot summer day wearing cut-off jean shorts....
My biggest fear is that FB will rat on on me and post "So&So is listening to Hall and Oats on IHeart Radio".
Justin Bieber's perfume smells like Bubble gum and shame
just ordered a steak and they asked if I wanted it cooked rare, medium or tanning mom
If ur Cinco de mayo didnt end wearing a pirate costume bein chased down the street by Dog The Bounty Hunter, then yours wasnt as fun as mine
BUNGEE JUMPING - $25 per person. @$$holes get in FREE! No strings attached.
keep getting mixed up between claustrophobia and homophobia. Which is the one about being in the closet?
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