Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   WANTED: A single girl who can cook, love and has a good Job. Must have a house and a car. Please send me pictures of your HOUSE and CAR.

   This girl I know asked her plastic surgeon to put jewels in with her fake boobs so she can have a treasure chest.

   The inventor of the Hokey Pokey died today. Trying to get him in the coffin was a nightmare... They put the left leg in....................

   The police knocked on my door last night and said my dog had chased someone on a bike... I called Bullcr*p..... My dog doesn't have a bike..

   Tonight on TV. there's a documentary about white trash.... I only saw the trailer..

   Dear mom,, I hear babies rip your hoo hoo monster and turn it purple... Hope this card makes up for that.

   Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don't make the rules people.

   Safety glasses? On this jobsite, we squint for safety!!

   Time to re-boot, these ones are worn right through the sole.

   Gay and Lesbo have sudenly become cool words since they are now "officially" endorsed by the President

   Hey, I just met you, and this crazy, but here is my dumbell so spot me maybe??!!

   middle east tensions? not worried here I survived the 80's....red dawn russian invasion,stray cats rocking towns inside out,and the Gap Band dropped a bomb on me!!!

   Whenever people start getting too close to me I talk into my watch as I hold eye contact with them.

   What a beautiful day outside!!! (According to TV.)

   I have never bothered to check if Google actually has results on the second page.

   My psychic told me I will soon be ripped off by someone I trust. Knowing that was well worth the $500 she charges me.

   If I could turn back time, I'd find a way to undo Cher.

   If she falls asleep when you're in the mood for sex, consider it snoreplay.

   can never tell gay and straight people apart. They all look the same to me.

   I took my dog over the park and played frisbee with him. He was useless, must get a flatter dog.