Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's hard to romance the woman of your dreams when you are her worst nightmare.

   The less you give a f$ck, the happier you will be.

   Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of s$it.

   Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids.

   I believe in Karma, Mainly because I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

   Buying water at baseball games is ridiculous! $5 for water?!?! If I wanted to pay $5 for water, I would buy Miller Lite.

   gave my wife a Klondike bar...still waiting to see what she's going to do

   Queen Latifah says she's a lesbian? I was as surprised as every one else that she was a chick.

   Starbucks really isn't that expensive when you consider what Victoria's Secret charges per cup.

   I fell down the stairs today, and may never walk again. I wasn't injured, I'm just really lazy.

   What to confuse Hellen Keller ? give her a basketball and tell her to read it

   I'm trying to explain to this cop that I was tweeting while driving, not texting. He still wants to know why I'm driving naked.

   wow, just heard on the news that all gulliable people that use facebook are going to be charged $17.95 a month to have their photos on facebook!!

   Some days it's not worth chewing through the straps.

   *Year 2050* Son: “Dad how did you meet mom?” Dad: “Aaah my son… It all started with a Poke on Facebook”.

   Anyone wonder why Internet explorer 9 has commercials? When it comes with every computer anyway, and its free to download?

   I keep my friends close and my enemies on a tight leash.

   Sign of the times! Honey come quick, my kids and your kids are beating up our kids.

   When you turn on a light and the bulb burns out it's because you suck and that bulb would rather kill itself than hang out with you.