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If I was to ever own a race horse I would name it "Two Trailer Park Girls" and train it to go 'round the outside just I can hear the caller do an Eminem impression! 
who do these people at Burger King think they are? Dont they know i'm an Ebay power seller,, and have over 70 friends on Facebook??,,,,FOOLS !!
Give me a fish,, & I'll cook you dinner.. Teach me to fish,, & I'll just be sitting there in the boat with you and gettin drunk..
Being broke has shortened my wife expectancy.
Sometimes stapling water to a tree is much easier than convincing an idiot.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind you.
"Till Death Do Us Part" should just be changed to "Till Sh!t Happens" during the wedding vows, coz people don't wait for “Death” anyways.
I find pregnant chicks sexy...I think it's because I know for a fact that they put out
To a man, the sweetest sound on Earth is the sexual moan of the woman he's pleasuring!
No working during drinking hours!!
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
You'll have to speak-up, i'm wearing a towel.
Wow, it works!!!!! Be right back, gonna try out my new time machine.....Let's see how this goes!!!!!
Kidnapping? I prefer the term "surprise adoption"
Dont be jealous of me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes, you'd probably need a year of therapy
the wheels of the bus go round and round. And it's making me sick.
I know I overdo goodbyes to the Ladies. They dont all have to end in a slow dance to "Careless Whisper".
Jiffy Pop Time!!! As much fun to make as it is to eat....oh crap, wait...what yr is it?? How long have I been asleep
Alzheimers isn't so bad...I been playing I spy with my little eye..by myself for hours
History repeats itself...soon we'll all be on horses..robbing banks and carrying guns
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