Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer, keep your stuffed animals closest.

   It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! - Rocky Balboa

   im gonna get a tattoo to make my pen!s look like a broom...my gf SUCKS at cleaning

   Never look down on anybody,... unless you're helping them up.

   If you don't scream "AHH,, IT BURNS!!" when peeing in public,,, then you're no fun.

   Heading to Mt. Pilot with Thelma Lou for Goobers funeral...

   Grandma turned 84 today,Hope she like's the push up bra I got her.

   I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, & Real Sh!t..

   I Dared my sister to go in to the mens washroom today..but she did not have the Balls ..

   I'll act my age when I'm 69.

   New Condom Slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.

   I believe in Karma That means I should be able to do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you: deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my A$$ !

   If I gave a sh*t, you'd be the 1st person I'd give it to.

   Some kids think they are so smart when they get behind a computer... Bi$ch, I have email accounts older than you.

   Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?

   When I have money, I have nothing to buy. When I don't have money, I want everything.

   Irony: People complaining on Facebook one day about their problems and the next day telling people to mind their own business.

   I'll believe almost anything someone tells me in a British accent because they sound really smart when they talk.......

   Dear Facebook friend that posts inspirational quotes, your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you!