Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   sooo glad tomorrow is Monday!!! (crickets chirping)...what?...

   If you own a dog you know... The Look...

   If anyone's interested,, I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 3 pm on, until I'm removed by security.

   I begin all my orders at Arby's by saying,,, "Listen, I've got nothing to prove to you."

   I'm pretty sure Adam and Eve loved being the first people,, cuz they didn't have to worry about ghosts

   I know two wrongs don't make a right. My life has been a never ending quest to determine just how many are required.

   (づ▶__◢)づ︻┳デ═一 say YOLO one more time.

   I'm 87% sure "snooze button" time is sped up and "waiting for the microwave" time is slowed down and this is not okay.

   According to Facebook, everyone did some really fun things with the kids this weekend and has a dog.

   I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper..................... I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.

   What if... birds aren't singing, they're just screaming because they're scared of heights?

   To the woman with 4 screaming kids at Target : if you're wondering how that box of condoms got into your cart... You're welcome.

   According to my shattered iPhone screen, I had a pretty awesome weekend.

   My children have turned me into a Serial Liar...

   If the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.

   there someone making $ off of all this "Liking" on FB?

   I cant take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you are coming to my room.

   I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

   Just ran into the ex-girlfriend. She's doing fine ...but my poor car was totaled beyond recognition

   I am not really sure I can trust panda express. They say they have talking, emoting pandas that eat meat....sounds too good too be true